Last night, I couldn't breath. I just laid awake, on my side, trying to gasp for air, but I couldn't. My throat tightened up and it felt as though someone were choking the life out of me. My heart beat sped up and my mind was racing. I sat up, my eyes closed, allowing everything to consume me. Allowing the darkness to send me into the solitary confinement of my deepest, most hurtful thoughts and memories.
It was all I could think about. . .
It left me gasping for air.
Why do these memories haunt me? Why? They say time heals all wounds, but mine are still wide open; infected, and bothersome, still sending me into a seemingly never-ending void of depression and anger. . . hate and melancholy. I try not to think about it, I do. But it never works. Never does. It has not been too long since all of the trouble, but should I not be over this by now? Even these pills do not help when they are supposed to "make me think more clearly" and "help me control my depression", but it is doing nothing of the sort.
What am I supposed to do?
I just don't know anymore. . .
I need someone. . . someone who understands me. . . someone who actually cares. . .
2 comments:
You have me, but even more importantly, you have Jesus. You just have to take control of yourself and pray to God for some reconciliation and peace. I did that on the most depressing night of my life, maybe not the most tragic, but certainly the most depressing, and God made my hurt diminish to the point where I could sleep. And function.
I swear to you, it's manageable if you actively call upon God.
Ray I might not know what type of things you go through. I will not pretend to understand whatever you went through. But you do have people who will care. You are lucky to have a friend like Kristen who is there for you.
Yeah I know this comment cam e a little late. But I still feel like responding.
I have been through my share of problems as well. I never got better until I hit the pits of insanity. Cause then you realize whats the point of being unhappy. Well there are times when I fall back into depression, but even if you take medicine you can always find a way to better yourself with or without it. But its better if you're on it. I tried going cold turkey and I underwent some horrid side effects.
Have faith not only in God but in mankind an yourself. Have faith that you will get better and that everything will turn for the better.
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